guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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