On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize