I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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