I have demons in me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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