birth control should be required to get into college
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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