Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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