I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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