I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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