A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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