repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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