Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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