just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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