I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Swine flu. Run for my life!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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