I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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