You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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