I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize