I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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