there's paper in my vomit.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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