Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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