im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
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We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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