I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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