Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize