it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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