Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize