every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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