Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize