Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize