I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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