it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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