just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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