So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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