It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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