It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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