friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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