he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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