he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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