there was a trapeze. enough said
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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