He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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