Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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