The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
where does the pee come out of this thing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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