im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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