we're chasing vodka with high fives
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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