His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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