the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize