I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize