I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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