You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize