Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize