I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize