OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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