im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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