i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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